A Different Kind of 2WW

Usually 2WW refers to the dreaded 2 week wait between ovulation and the start of your period, or in the case of people trying to conceive, your lack of period so you can take a home pregnancy test. Its a time period full of hopes and dreams where part of you is certain that you timed your baby dancing just right this month so surely this is it, and the other part cautions you not to get too hopeful. We had a few of those before we had the infamous semen analysis. Mr.E and I have a long way to go before we even get to that kind of 2ww again.

Currently we’re stuck in another kind of 2ww: the 2ww for the TESE biopsy (testicular sperm extraction). On 11/29 we scheduled it for 12/14, 15 days later. I was so anxious, literally pacing for days, unable to concentrate on almost anything at work, crying at the slightest things, exclaiming, “How am I going to do this?! We still have x more days to go!” and wondering internally how I could survive this 2ww without driving myself and everyone around me absolutely nuts.

Somehow I made it 8 days (I think scheduling the sonohyst and the IVF calendar planning right in the middle helped a lot because it gave me something to look forward to).

And then on that 8th day, 12/7, the hospital told us about the scheduling error and moved the surgery to 12/21. Another freaking 14 days away: the beginning of another 2ww.

This time I don’t have any other appointments to distract me. I have no idea what to do with myself. I think the anxiety from the previous 2ww which would be coming to an end in 2 days *sigh* sort of wore my mind out, if that’s even possible. I’m exhausted from the anxiety. But I still feel it inside. 9 more days to go.

So far, TV and books have been my best friends for distraction. Actually, people at work have been unknowingly wonderful for me, too. They come ask me questions and make me think about work stuff which helps to pass the time. Worst thing you could possibly do: take time off from work. I’m pretty sure staying busy is the best thing for mental health.

If anyone out there has suggestions for me on how to stay busy, please comment with them. Hopefully, one day, they’ll also come in handy for the real 2ww!

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