How do you tell your family and friends you’re infertile? And not just a little infertile or having a rough time. We cannot/will not have biological children no matter what we do.
Do we tell them over the phone? Or get on Skype or Facetime? Or wait until we see them in person?
How many details do we give? Should we tell them about the azoospermia? Or should we keep it simple and just say we can’t have biological children? Should we tell them Mr.E has had 2 surgeries? And that I have 21 eggs on ice? And that we’ve spent over $60,000 trying to make this happen?
Should we tell them to keep our infertility a secret until we’ve decided on a Plan C? Or just to keep the azoospermia a secret?
What if my siblings are too busy with their own lives and their own children to care about our problems? What if they say something insensitive like, “Just adopt!”
Will Mr.E’s parents be upset that they didn’t know their son had anesthesia twice and we didn’t inform them? What if they say something insensitive? What if his brother says no when we ask him to be our sperm donor? Will I ever be able to talk to him or his wife again?
What will we say to our friends? Will they understand why we kept our struggle private? Should we tell them at all? Or wait until an adopted baby is placed with us and then tell them? Should we tell them the diagnosis?
What if another one of our siblings or friends announces another pregnancy? What will I say? How will I feel?
Will I always feel resentful and bitter when I see someone else is pregnant? Will I always feel like we were robbed of an essential life experience? Will I ever know what our bio-kids would have looked like?
I will update this post after we’ve taken the plunge and told some people. Wish us luck
Update 5/6/14: after meeting with the Reproductive Psychologist, we felt MUCH better about just about everything, especially about how we would feel if Mr.E’s brother didn’t want to be our donor. She really helped us put things in perspective. Even though we would have been disappointed, it wouldn’t have been the end of the world. No matter where the sperm come from Mr.E is the dad and as long as we are confident and happy about our choice, our children will be confident and self-assured.