After telling our families about our infertility, we decided we needed to talk to a counselor about our options. We had a LOT of questions and anxiety about each choice.
We paid the $1,000 sign up fee with an adoption agency. We didn’t want to waste any more time. I’m so glad we did this because it really opened my eyes. As I filled out paperwork and started answering questions for our online profile, I started to feel uncomfortable with the idea of traditional adoption. The more paperwork we did, the more I started to feel like this wasn’t the right option for us.
My first clue that traditional adoption wasn’t right for us was that, try as I might, I just couldn’t picture the moment a birth mother would hand us her baby, or even being chosen by a birth mother. The other thing that I have a problem with is feeling guilty that we are “stealing” a baby from someone else whose ONLY option is traditional adoption. Since we have other possibilities for bringing children into the world, it seems best that we should try one of those first.
While filling out the adoption paperwork, we were having appointments with various counselors. (I recommend asking your IVF clinic for a referral to a Reproductive Psychologist, not just a random family counselor from the phone book.) After our appointment with the Reproductive Psychologist, we decided that our number 1 choice for having kids is asking Mr.E’s brother to be our sperm donor.
So about 5 weeks ago, we made that important phone call to Mr.E’s brother. We were very nervous. We decided Mr.E should do most of the talking and we made notes before the phone call about what and how we wanted him to say things.
We explained our situation and that our doctor suggested donor sperm, and then Mr.E asked him if he would consider being our donor. We then went on to mention some of the pros of using his sperm as opposed to random donor sperm (genetics, health, etc.).
His brother said he would talk to his wife that night and then we scheduled a time for all 4 of us to talk again the next day.
At the end of the conversation the next day, they said they were totally on board! We told them not to give us a final yes or no answer though because we wanted to fly them up to talk to our Reproductive Psychologist before making a final decision. We wanted to make sure that they had a chance to talk to a professional about all the pros and cons and long term consequences of being our donor. For example, how they will explain it to their own children someday.
They came into town this week and we had our meeting with the Rep. Psych. It’s official! They said yes! Well, it will feel more official when the sperm has been delivered to our clinic here, but it’s as official as it can be until then!