Worrying while TTC

From even before the moment we decided to pray about whether or not it was time to time to start trying to start our family, I worried.

I worried about money, how I was going to continue running my company with kids running around, how Mr.E would be able to study (he’s still in school), if we would have trouble trying to get pregnant (nah! That will never happen to me!), my other medical conditions and how pregnancy would affect them, and so on.

And then we never got a BAM! revelation that it was time to start trying. It was just that one day we felt more confident in our abilities and the worries seemed less relevant. So I made the appointment to get my IUD removed.

Then a new worry started. Did it work? Did we time it right? Are these stupid OPKs and HPTs working???

By the time the second month of TTC ended, I knew there was something wrong. Call it crazy, or woman’s intuition, or whatever you want. I knew that something wasn’t right. So for the third month I found a doctor to test my basic levels during my cycle. They seemed ok. But I still just knew something wasn’t right. I could feel it. And I worried about it. A LOT.

After talking to an RE, he suggested getting Mr.E’s sperm count checked. Just in case. And to put my fears at rest.

So, on September 11, 2012 we went to get the semen analysis. I truly did not think anything would come of it, other than some reassurance that all was well. Imagine my surprise when I got that phone call on September 18, 2012. I will never forget that.

Whatever I used to think “worrying” meant was so lame compared to the way I felt then. And I haven’t stopped worrying since! Oh I’ve tried to stop. There have been times I’ve felt at peace and confident with our decisions, but for the most part I’ve worried. Even now, I worry about how I’ll explain a sperm donor to our kids.

I wish I could stop. I remind myself of quotes like, “Worry is a misuse of the imagination.”

Today I came across this one and wanted to share it with you all. I hope it helps you make the choice to stop worrying, even if only for a day. Be a little stronger today!

IVF #3 – 14 Weeks 4 Days Pregnant

In 10 days I’ll get another ultrasound. It’s been 12 days since my last ultrasound. Frankly, I have no idea how fertiles do it. How do they wait MONTHS between opportunities to see their babies? I guess if it was me, i would pay money every few weeks at one of those ultrasound places in the mall. In fact, I’ve considered doing that already. After this three week wait between ultrasounds, I have another three week wait for the next one. That one will be the anatomy and gender scan! Four weeks and two days!

We’re going to have the ultrasound tech write the genders on paper and out them in an envelope. Then our friend is going to make cakes and we’ll find out the genders at the same time as everyone else!! OMG I can’t wait!

Right now, they don’t feel much like babies in my belly. I mean, I know in my mind that they are there and I see them moving during ultrasounds, but I haven’t felt them moving yet. And right now I kind of feel like a baby sitter or an emotionally invested incubator. I hope when we hear the genders I’ll start thinking of them as my sons or daughters. Did that make any sense at all?

Oh yeah and the other reason I know they’re there is because my stomach is huge. Large and in charge. My mom said I’m going to have to lie to people about about my due date if we’re not going to tell them about the twins because nobody is this big at 14 weeks. We’re keeping the twins a secret until the gender reveal party! But seriously. My waist is 46 inches. Forty six. (BTW – 48 inches is 4 feet. Holy crap.) Not complaining, just observing.

I hoped to have something interesting to write after my last ultrasound 12 days ago. It was actually my NT scan (nuchal translucency). They did an ultrasound and some blood work. Unfortunately, they couldn’t give me any results yet because the blood work has two parts and they have to be done 4 weeks apart. No results until the second set of blood work comes back. I swear, pregnancy is a LOT of hurry up and wait, over and over again. I’ll do the second half of the blood work the second week of October. I’ll get a good detailed post for that!

Hope everyone out there is doing well. I think about you guys, my readers, all the time. Wondering how you’re doing, what stage of the azoospermia/infertility journey you are in, how you feel, and how you’re handling it all. Feel free to drop a comment any time to catch us up on your story, to rant and rage when needed, and to share any and all successes!

Metformin and Thyroid Testing

This is huge. Wonderful breakthrough for advocates for proper thyroid testing. And for patients with PCOS or type 2 diabetes who are also experiencing recurrent miscarriage.

Today this study came out that proves that while taking Metformin (used for type 2 diabetes, PCOS, and other conditions), your TSH is artificially suppressed.

When TSH is low, doctors assume you are hyperthyroid (hyper meaning too much) or that you are taking too much thyroid medication. They want to adjust your dosage based on your TSH.

Or worse, your TSH level shows up right in the middle of the range and your doctor says, “It’s normal. You don’t need any thyroid medication.” But in reality, your TSH is artificially low because you’re taking metformin. So you continue walking around overweight, tired, with dry skin and a growing bald patch on your head.

If you are taking metformin, your doctor MUST NOT use TSH to find the right dose for you. He must use Free T3 and Free T4.

To learn more about proper testing of thyroid hormones, whether you take metformin or not, go to Stop the Thyroid Madness.

IVF #3 – 12 Weeks 2 Days Pregnant – Kate Middleton

You guys. Did you hear? The big news networks confirmed she’s pregnant. The “news” I wrote about here seems like it might have been true, but might have been a little early if she’s not 12 weeks yet. I did get it from tabloids.

Anyway. Do you know what this means?! I’m due before she is! She stopped stealing my life and my babies! Yay! I feel like the curse has been lifted!