From even before the moment we decided to pray about whether or not it was time to time to start trying to start our family, I worried.
I worried about money, how I was going to continue running my company with kids running around, how Mr.E would be able to study (he’s still in school), if we would have trouble trying to get pregnant (nah! That will never happen to me!), my other medical conditions and how pregnancy would affect them, and so on.
And then we never got a BAM! revelation that it was time to start trying. It was just that one day we felt more confident in our abilities and the worries seemed less relevant. So I made the appointment to get my IUD removed.
Then a new worry started. Did it work? Did we time it right? Are these stupid OPKs and HPTs working???
By the time the second month of TTC ended, I knew there was something wrong. Call it crazy, or woman’s intuition, or whatever you want. I knew that something wasn’t right. So for the third month I found a doctor to test my basic levels during my cycle. They seemed ok. But I still just knew something wasn’t right. I could feel it. And I worried about it. A LOT.
After talking to an RE, he suggested getting Mr.E’s sperm count checked. Just in case. And to put my fears at rest.
So, on September 11, 2012 we went to get the semen analysis. I truly did not think anything would come of it, other than some reassurance that all was well. Imagine my surprise when I got that phone call on September 18, 2012. I will never forget that.
Whatever I used to think “worrying” meant was so lame compared to the way I felt then. And I haven’t stopped worrying since! Oh I’ve tried to stop. There have been times I’ve felt at peace and confident with our decisions, but for the most part I’ve worried. Even now, I worry about how I’ll explain a sperm donor to our kids.
I wish I could stop. I remind myself of quotes like, “Worry is a misuse of the imagination.”
Today I came across this one and wanted to share it with you all. I hope it helps you make the choice to stop worrying, even if only for a day. Be a little stronger today!