Worrying while TTC

From even before the moment we decided to pray about whether or not it was time to time to start trying to start our family, I worried.

I worried about money, how I was going to continue running my company with kids running around, how Mr.E would be able to study (he’s still in school), if we would have trouble trying to get pregnant (nah! That will never happen to me!), my other medical conditions and how pregnancy would affect them, and so on.

And then we never got a BAM! revelation that it was time to start trying. It was just that one day we felt more confident in our abilities and the worries seemed less relevant. So I made the appointment to get my IUD removed.

Then a new worry started. Did it work? Did we time it right? Are these stupid OPKs and HPTs working???

By the time the second month of TTC ended, I knew there was something wrong. Call it crazy, or woman’s intuition, or whatever you want. I knew that something wasn’t right. So for the third month I found a doctor to test my basic levels during my cycle. They seemed ok. But I still just knew something wasn’t right. I could feel it. And I worried about it. A LOT.

After talking to an RE, he suggested getting Mr.E’s sperm count checked. Just in case. And to put my fears at rest.

So, on September 11, 2012 we went to get the semen analysis. I truly did not think anything would come of it, other than some reassurance that all was well. Imagine my surprise when I got that phone call on September 18, 2012. I will never forget that.

Whatever I used to think “worrying” meant was so lame compared to the way I felt then. And I haven’t stopped worrying since! Oh I’ve tried to stop. There have been times I’ve felt at peace and confident with our decisions, but for the most part I’ve worried. Even now, I worry about how I’ll explain a sperm donor to our kids.

I wish I could stop. I remind myself of quotes like, “Worry is a misuse of the imagination.”

Today I came across this one and wanted to share it with you all. I hope it helps you make the choice to stop worrying, even if only for a day. Be a little stronger today!

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3 thoughts on “Worrying while TTC

  1. Oh I love it. I’m guilty of worry. So much that by day end I’m weary from thinking about it all. I’m 31. Am I too old. When will my partner be ready to try again. Will we be financially okay. Will I miscarry again. Will I ever have a healthy baby…

    Crazy stuff that’s impossible to answer. I may print this quote out and put it on the fridge! Xx

  2. I knew something was ‘wrong’ from the beginning too. I’ve had people say to me that I couldn’t have known, it’s impossible, but I did. It took me 7 months to find a doctor that was willing to check DH, but I never expected the diagnosis we got.

    I wonder what I will tell my future children, what that journey will look like, how we will all feel. At the end of the day though that child (or children) is going to know just how badly it was wanted, and that’s a basic need of life, to be loved.

    Don’t sweat the small stuff is a motto i live by, and although this journey seems bigger than Ben Hur, it will all work out in the end. ‘Work out’ looks like many different things x x

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