IVF #3 – Stim Day 10

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Here’s a fun picture of one of my ovaries. You can see 7 follicles! Today my biggest follicles are 20mm again, but I have 2 @ 20mm instead of 1 like yesterday. My doctor predicts that my estradiol will be high enough today and that we will do the trigger shot tonight. If not we’ll have to order another dose of each medicine.
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IVF #3 – Stim Day 8 – Problem with Directed Donor Sperm

UPDATE:
It turns out that of the 8 vials, 1 was unlabeled, 2 were unreadable, and 1 had the wrong identification number on it. Testing the semen for DNA didn’t seem reasonable given the short period of time (4 days) that we have, so the lab director gave me 3 choices: use the other 4 vials that were marked correctly (yeah, right!), cancel the cycle, or get my BIL to fly up tomorrow and redo ALL of the testing and give a new semen sample. Neither of the first 2 options were what I wanted, but I would have cancelled before ever using that sperm without it being tested in some way, but I didn’t want to do that (I want my baby now!). So even though it seemed like a major long shot, I called my BIL to see if he’s busy tomorrow and if he wants to come up here. Can you believe he said yes?! He’s flying up here at 6am tomorrow, then we’ll go straight to the clinic for testing and the sample. All while Mr.E is living in sweet oblivion with the Boy Scouts! So many people at UCRM were really working hard for us today and will continue to do so the rest of this week and next week. I’m so grateful.

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Directed Donor Testing Results

I just hung up the phone with the clinic that is processing my brother-in-law’s sperm (he is our donor). Normally they have people donate 3 times in seven days (Monday, Wednesday, Friday). But it sounds like they only had him come in twice because he had so many sperm: 8 vials from his first donation and 5 from the second donation.

All of his tests for communicable diseases came back negative, except for CMV which isn’t a problem (about 50% of the population is CMV positive).

So… Why am I sobbing? I’m so jealous! How is this right for one brother to have so many sperm that his numbers are off the charts and the other has not a single freaking one? Why didn’t God answer our prayers for even just a few sperm from Mr.E? I want so much for Mr.E to have biological children. It just doesn’t seem fair 😦

I feel guilty for crying about this. I should be feeling gratitude.

But I think I’m seeing a pattern here: every time we cross a threshold or complete an obstacle I think I’m going to mourn our situation all over again. I don’t know if that’s healthy or not. I keep thinking I’ve made peace with our situation and with our solution. But I keep mourning my dreams that will never come to be when we reach these milestones.

Maybe recognizing my pattern will make it less painful at the next milestone, which I think will be egg retrieval or when they call us to tell us how many embryos we have.

Does anybody else have a list of questions they plan on asking God after they get to heaven? I do. Mine is a mental list. Since this happened though, I’ve forgotten every single one of my questions except this one about this azoospermia thing. I don’t just want to know why, I want to understand what He hoped, or is hoping, I would get out of this experience.

FDA Regulations for Known Sperm Donors

Before we asked my brother-in-law to be our donor, we had a meeting with the donor coordinator at our fertility clinic. We learned a little about donor sperm and donor embryos.

When we got home I did my own research about the regulations, specifically about FDA regulations about known donor sperm. The major areas of regulation are:
– quarantine period
– communicable disease testing
– genetic testing
– psychological evaluation
– FDA registered facilities

The rules for sperm donation are very similar for anonymous donors and known donors, but there is one major difference that is critical. That rule is about the sperm quarantine period.

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Gratitude in Infertility

I find myself apologizing a lot lately. My husband asks me, “What’s wrong?” and I find myself responding quite often with an apology and, “I’m just an angry, angry person.”

Now that it’s getting closer to IVF #3 and we will almost certainly have embryos to transfer, I’m very angry. I’m so angry. I don’t want to have a baby with some other guy’s sperm. I want a baby with Mr.E’s sperm.

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Known Sperm Donor

After telling our families about our infertility, we decided we needed to talk to a counselor about our options. We had a LOT of questions and anxiety about each choice.

We paid the $1,000 sign up fee with an adoption agency. We didn’t want to waste any more time. I’m so glad we did this because it really opened my eyes. As I filled out paperwork and started answering questions for our online profile, I started to feel uncomfortable with the idea of traditional adoption. The more paperwork we did, the more I started to feel like this wasn’t the right option for us.
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